It is said that freedom doesn't come until you tell the truth. Well I am about to unleash my truth and pray to God that I can finally release it and allow God to release to me what is better for me.
I have unforgiveness, in so many areas, anger, and resentment. Currently anger and unforgiveness is what plagues me. When I think I am fine, I get triggered and realize that I am not. How God, how am I supposed to let this go? We are humans that were born in sin. So our responses to things are so human. God sent his only son to help us. It is said He has been through all we have and came out of it. But He was without sin!
"It's harder to do what easy when you are holding what you weren't meant to carry" - Pastor Michael Todd. Eph 4:31-32
Release is God's desire but my decision.
Without God, I have a right to feel the way I feel and hold what I am holding.
Is it worth it? My decision: not it is not. I feel like I am hurting myself. Keeping myself hurt.
But I need to feel it in order to get rid of it. I don't like any of my son's father's actions currently. He doesn't care about how my son feels only what he can screw. Sorry for the harshness but that is the truth. I knew that once we were no longer together and once he involved himself with someone else, his child wouldn't be as important. Unfortunately I witnessed this with his other kids AFTER I had our son. AND my son is missing out on having a true father because of it. My son spent about 4 hrs at his dad's place this weekend. He wanted to come home and told his father it was because he wanted to play his game. In actuality, it was because "those little girls were messy and touching my stuff". See because his father never has alone time with him, our son doesn't feel comfortable coming to him with what the truth is. I never put words in my son's mouth. And my son is most comfortable with me allowing me to see his true feelings.
And it bothered me that his dad thought nothing of my son spending just 4 hours in his apartment. That's because he is too focused on other things. He uses kids and video games to occupy my son's mind instead of spending quality one on one time with him. I keep saying my son , but the reality is he is our son. Even if I am not happy with his father at this time.
I am trying so hard. I wand God to just take this anger and resentment away from me. I resent the way he treated me and did nothing for me......the list goes on. He didn't do what a real man would do and how could he, he never had a real man in his life. However, that's not an excuse.
My trying to heal feels like a punishment. But I will continue to listen to this sermon "Stop Holding it // Release (Part 4)", until it all washes over me.
https://youtu.be/g0-BZNhsTqQ
1 Peter 5:7 7Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
Hebrews 12:1 1Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us,
Proverbs 4:25-27 25Let your eyes look straight ahead; fix your gaze directly before you. 26Give careful thought to the paths for your feet and be steadfast in all your ways. 27Do not turn to the right or the left; keep your foot from evil.
Philippians 4:8-9 8Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things. 9Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me-put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.
These scriptures I need to look at every day, every hour, every minute.
Taking it day by day
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